The Spending Style Test

My Result: Bargain Hunter

People who are Bargain Hunters likely spend their money sparingly and they have a good sense of the value of the dollar. They strive to stretch their funds as far as possible. If they don't have to bargain shop for financial reasons, they may also be afraid of not having enough money someday, and thus splurging or overspending may feel more dangerous or foolhardy to them than it does to most. They may also simply enjoy the thrill of haggling and the challenge of the hunt for a deal, deriving pleasure from their great finds.

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Universal Truths

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.
18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the
first given opportunity.
19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong!
22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
24) You never ever run out of salt.
25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard
32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood
specifically to stir paint with.
33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
34) Bricks are horrible to carry.
35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.

50 funniest Homer Simpson Quotes

# Operator! Give me the number for 911!
# Oh, so they have internet on computers now!
# Bart, with $10,000, we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love!
# Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.
# I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me Superman.
# Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.
# Well, it’s 1 a.m. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids.
# Maybe, just once, someone will call me ‘Sir’ without adding, ‘You’re making a scene.’
# Marge, don’t discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.
# Doughnuts. Is there anything they can’t do?
# You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
# Lisa, if you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.
# When will I learn? The answer to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle, they’re on TV!
# Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose: it’s how drunk you get.
# I’m going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won’t be back for ten minutes!
# [Meeting Aliens] Please don’t eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
# What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
# Marge, you’re as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
# Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
# The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it’s time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!
# When I look at the smiles on all the children’s faces, I just know they’re about to jab me with something.
# I’m having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church!

# Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn’t, it’s that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.
# I’m not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I’m going to Hell?
# Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you’re prejudiced against all races.
# It’s not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.
# Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.
# I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.
# Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that.
# Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that Alligator biting that woman’s bottom? That’s right, we all thought it was hilarious. But, it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harrassing that woman.
# Old people don’t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.
# How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?

# Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.
# Homer no function beer well without.
# I’ve always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there is — and it’s me.
# Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?
# If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can’t speak English.
# I’m never going to be disabled. I’m sick of being so healthy.
# I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.
# [Looking at a globe map…country being Uruguay]
Hee hee! Look at this country! ‘You-are-gay.’
# All my life I’ve had one dream, to achieve my many goals.

# Dad, you’ve done a lot of great things, but you’re a very old man, and old people are useless.
# But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder.
# I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.
# Dear Lord.. The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here’s the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won’t ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal.
# That’s it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I’m going to clown college!
# Beer: The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.
# If something’s hard to do, then it’s not worth doing
# I’m in no condition to drive…wait! I shouldn’t listen to myself, I’m drunk!
# ‘To Start Press Any Key’. Where’s the ANY key?

The Chakra Test

My Result: Fifth Chakra

This is the chakra located at the top of your throat. The fifth chakra represents honesty and truth. When this chakra is clear, positive energy can flow from it freely. Radiating positive energy from your fifth chakra indicates that you've cultivated higher wisdom concerning the important life lessons associated with this energy center. You're apt to feel a more burning need than others do to speak the truth, treat people with respect, and act with integrity. Possessing strong fifth chakra energy also suggests that you're not one to fight your life's natural path. Instead, you seem to align your will with divine will.

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Courtroom Testimony

These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.



ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.


ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.


ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.


ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?


ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.


ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?


ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?


ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh...


ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?


ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?


ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.


ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.


ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.


ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!


ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?


ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

ONLY IN AMERICA

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

11. Only in America......can a homeless combat veteran live in a cardboard box and a draft dodger live in the White House.

The Influence of Birth Order

My Result: Only child because of your ability to set goals

People who stand out as only children due to their ability to set goals are likely to be perceived by others as punctual and determined. Chances are, they are reliable and don't miss deadlines. They probably don't make empty promises, but also feel that they need to be in control most of the time. They tend to be perfectionists. They are inclined to take responsibility for their actions and do not believe in making excuses.

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California Cannabis Hemp & Health Initiative 2008

AN ACT TO AMEND THE HEALTH AND SAFETY CODE OF CALIFORNIA:

I. Add Section 11362.6 to the Health and Safety Code of California, any laws or policies to the contrary notwithstanding:

1. No person, individual, or corporate entity shall be arrested or prosecuted, be denied any right or privilege, nor be subject to any criminal or civil penalties for the possession, cultivation, transportation, distribution, or consumption of cannabis hemp marijuana, including:

(a) Cannabis hemp industrial products.

(b) Cannabis hemp medicinal preparations.

(c) Cannabis hemp nutritional products.

(d) Cannabis hemp religious and spiritual products.

(e) Cannabis hemp recreational and euphoric use and products.

2. Definition of terms:

(a) The terms "cannabis hemp" and “cannabis hemp marijuana” mean the natural, non-genetically modified plant hemp, cannabis, marihuana, marijuana, cannabis sativa L, cannabis Americana, cannabis chinensis, cannabis indica, cannabis ruderalis, cannabis sativa, or any variety of cannabis, including any derivative, concentrate, extract, flower, leaf, particle, preparation, resin, root, salt, seed, stalk, stem, or any product thereof.

(b) The term "cannabis hemp industrial products" means all products made from cannabis hemp that are not designed or intended for human consumption, including, but not limited to: clothing, building materials, paper, fiber, fuel, lubricants, plastics, paint, seed for cultivation, animal feed, veterinary medicine, oil, or any other product that is not designed for internal human consumption; as well as cannabis hemp plants used for crop rotation, erosion control, pest control, weed control, or any other horticultural or environmental purposes, for example, the reversal of the Greenhouse Effect and toxic soil reclamation.

(c) The term "cannabis hemp medicinal preparations" means all products made from cannabis hemp that are designed, intended, or used for human consumption for the treatment of any human disease or condition, for pain relief, or for any healing purpose, including but not limited to the treatment or relief of: Alzheimer's and pre-Alzheimer's disease, stroke, arthritis, asthma, cramps, epilepsy, glaucoma, migraine, multiple sclerosis, nausea, premenstrual syndrome, side effects of cancer chemotherapy, fibromyalgia, sickle cell anemia, spasticity, spinal injury, stress, easement of post-traumatic stress disorder, Tourette syndrome, attention deficit disorder, immunodeficiency, wasting syndrome from AIDS or anorexia; use as an antibiotic, antibacterial, anti-viral, or anti-emetic; as a healing agent, or as an adjunct to any medical or herbal treatment. Mental conditions not limited to bipolar, depression, attention deficit disorder, or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, shall be conditions considered for medical use.

(d) The term "cannabis hemp nutritional products" means cannabis hemp for consumption by humans and animals as food, including but not limited to: seed, seed protein, seed oil, essential fatty acids, seed cake, dietary fiber, or any preparation or extract thereof.

(e) The term "cannabis hemp euphoric products" means cannabis hemp intended for personal recreational or religious use, other than cannabis hemp industrial products, cannabis hemp medicinal preparations, or cannabis hemp nutritional products.

(f) The term "personal use" means the internal consumption of cannabis hemp by people 21 years of age or older for any relaxational, meditative, religious, spiritual, recreational, or other purpose other than sale.

(g) The term "commercial production" means the production of cannabis hemp products for sale or profit under the conditions of these provisions.

3. Industrial cannabis hemp farmers, manufacturers, processors, and distributors shall not be subject to any special zoning requirement, licensing fee, or tax that is excessive, discriminatory, or prohibitive.

4. Cannabis hemp medicinal preparations are hereby restored to the list of available medicines in California. Licensed physicians shall not be penalized for, nor restricted from, prescribing or recommending cannabis hemp for medical purposes to any patient, regardless of age. No tax shall be applied to prescribed cannabis hemp medicinal preparations. Medical research shall be encouraged. No recommending physician shall be subject to any professional licensing review or hearing as a result of recommending or approving medical use of cannabis hemp marijuana.

5. Personal use of cannabis hemp euphoric products.

(a) No permit, license, or tax shall be required for the non-commercial cultivation, transportation, distribution, or consumption of cannabis hemp.

(b) Testing for inactive and/or inert residual cannabis metabolites shall not be required for employment or insurance, nor be considered in determining employment, other impairment, or intoxication.

(c) When a person falls within the conditions of these exceptions, the offense laws do not apply and only the exception laws apply.

6. Use of cannabis hemp products for religious or spiritual purposes shall be considered an inalienable right; and shall be protected by the full force of the State and Federal Constitutions.

7. Commerce in cannabis hemp euphoric products shall be limited to adults, 21 years of age and older, and shall be regulated in a manner analogous to California's wine industry model. For the purpose of distinguishing personal from commercial production, 99 flowering female plants and 12 pounds of dried, cured cannabis hemp flowers, bud, not leaf, produced per adult, 21 years of age and older, per year shall be considered as being for personal use.

8. The manufacture, marketing, distribution, or sales between adults of equipment or accessories designed to assist in the planting, cultivation, harvesting, curing, processing, packaging, storage, analysis, consumption, or transportation of cannabis hemp plants, industrial cannabis hemp products, cannabis hemp medicinal preparations, cannabis hemp nutritional products, cannabis hemp euphoric products, or any cannabis hemp product shall not be prohibited.

9. No California law enforcement personnel or funds shall be used to assist or aid and abet in the enforcement of Federal cannabis hemp marijuana laws involving acts which are hereby no longer illegal in the State of California.

10. Any person who threatens the enjoyment of these provisions is guilty of a misdemeanor. The maximum penalties and fines of a misdemeanor may be imposed.


II. Repeal, delete, and expunge any and all existing statutory laws that conflict with the provisions of this initiative.

1. Enactment of this initiative shall include: amnesty, immediate release from prison, jail, parole, and probation, and clearing, expungement, and deletion of all criminal records for all persons currently charged with, or convicted of any non-violent cannabis hemp marijuana offenses included in this initiative which are hereby no longer illegal in the State of California. People who fall within this category that triggered an original sentence are included within this provision.

2. Within 60 days of the passage of this Act, the Attorney General shall develop and distribute a one-page application, providing for the destruction of all cannabis hemp marijuana criminal records in California for any such offense covered by this Act. Such forms shall be distributed to district and city attorneys and made available at all police departments in the State to persons hereby affected. Upon filing such form with any Superior Court and a payment of a fee of $10.00, the Court shall liberally construe these provisions to benefit the defendant in furtherance of the amnesty and dismissal provision of this section. Upon the Court's ruling under this provision the arrest record shall be set aside and be destroyed. Such persons may then truthfully state that they have never been arrested or convicted of any cannabis hemp marijuana related offense which is hereby no longer illegal in the State of California. This shall be deemed to be a finding of factual innocence under California Penal Code Section 851.8 et seq.


III. The legislature is authorized upon thorough investigation, to enact legislation using reasonable standards to:

1. License concessionary establishments to distribute cannabis hemp euphoric products in a manner analogous to California's wine industry model. Sufficient community outlets shall be licensed to provide reasonable commercial access to persons of legal age, so as to discourage and prevent the misuse of, and illicit traffic in, such products. Any license or permit fee required by the State for commercial production, distribution or use shall not exceed $1,000.00.

2. Place an excise tax on commercial sale of cannabis hemp euphoric products, analogous to California's wine industry model, so long as no excise tax or combination of excise taxes shall exceed $10.00 per ounce.

3. Determine an acceptable and uniform standard of impairment based on performance testing, to restrict persons impaired by cannabis hemp euphoric products from operating a motor vehicle or heavy machinery, or otherwise engaging in conduct that may affect public safety.

4. Regulate the personal use of cannabis hemp euphoric products in enclosed and/or restricted public places.


IV. Pursuant to the Ninth and Tenth Amendments to the Constitution of the United States, the people of California hereby repudiate and challenge Federal cannabis hemp marijuana prohibitions that conflict with this Act.


V. Severability: If any provision of this Act, or the application of any such provision to any person or circumstance, shall be held invalid by any court, the remainder of this Act, to the extent it can be given effect, or the application of such provisions to persons or circumstances other than those as to which it is held invalid, shall not be affected thereby, and to this end the provisions of this Act are severable.


VI. Construction: If any rival or conflicting initiative regulating any matter addressed by this act receives the higher affirmative vote, then all non-conflicting parts shall become operative.


VII. Purpose of Act: This Act is an exercise of the police powers of the State for the protection of the safety, welfare, health, and peace of the people and the environment of the State, to protect the industrial and medicinal uses of cannabis hemp, to eliminate the unlicensed and unlawful cultivation, selling, and dispensing of cannabis hemp; and to encourage temperance in the consumption of cannabis hemp euphoric products. It is hereby declared that the subject matter of this Act involves, in the highest degree, the ecological, economic, social, and moral well-being and safety of the State and of all its people. All provisions of this Act shall be liberally construed for the accomplishment of these purposes: to respect human rights, to promote tolerance, and to end cannabis hemp prohibition.

Jack Herer

Eddy Lepp

George Clayton Johnson

Phyllis Vonderscher

Ronnie Lee Smith

Michael S. Jolson

Seeva Marie Cherms

Please make extra copies and pass them out to your family, friends and coworkers.

Cool Quotes and Sayings

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they get up in the morning that's the best they're going to feel all day.

"My life is like a porno-movie, without the sex".

If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with bullshit.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother

Q: What did the instructor at the school for Kamikazi pilots say to his students?
A: Watch closely. I'm only going to do this once.

Camouflage condoms: So they won't see you coming.

A Stanford research group advertised for participants in a study of obsessive-compulsive disorder. They were looking for therapy clients who had been diagnosed with this disorder. The response was gratifying; they got 3,000 responses about three days after the ad came out. All from the same person.

The philosophy exam was a piece of cake -- which was a bit of a surprise, actually, because I was expecting some questions on a sheet of paper.

I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Don't be so open-minded that your brains fall out.

"It's me and you against the world. So when do we attack?"

I drink to make other people interesting.

I got a dog and named him "Stay". Now, I go "Come here, Stay!". After a while, the dog went insane and wouldn't move at all.

Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I'd have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.

"Yesterday scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer each, and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making any sense, became emotional, and couldn't drive. No further testing is planned."

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian!

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

I'm not suffering from insanity, I'm enjoying every minute of it.

Eat healthy, exercise more, still die.

Always check for ferrets before sitting.

A friend is someone who knows all about you but likes you anyway.

There are three types of people in this world: those who can count and those who can't.

I don't like small cars or really big women but somehow I always find myself in em!

99% of all people in the world walk around with blinders on. The other 1% walk around in total amazement

. Dyslexics of the world, untie!

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.

life, n.: A whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.

I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs, and insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me.

The top ten things men know about women:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.

Father always said laughter was the best medicine, I guess that's why so many of us died of tuberculosis.

When he is late for dinner i know he must be either having an affair or lying dead in the street. I always hope he is dead. - Judith Viorst

I've learned not to put things in my mouth that are bad for me. - Monica Lewinsky (on CNN's Larry King Live discussing her weight-loss)

We spend nine months trying to get out, and the rest of our lives trying to get back in.

There ain't no devil, ther'e just God when he's drunk.

I imagine a world of love, peace, and no wars. Then I imagine myself attacking that place because they would never expect it!

Japan's second-largest tourist agency was mystified when it entered English-speaking markets and began receiving requests for unusual sex tours. Upon finding out why, the owners of Kinki Nippon Tourist Company changed its name.

I'm at a stage in my life where I'm having a hard time caring about things. Fortunately, I don't care.

Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes, that way when you do criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes!

The two steps to total business success:
1) Never give away all your secrets
2)

To all you virgins out there. Thanks for nothing.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital dying of nothing.

A man that has never lied to a woman has no respect for her feelings.

Who's cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have a "s" in it?

What's Your Best Quality?

My Result: Articulate

People who are strong communicators have an above-average ability to articulate ideas and feelings. People high in this quality tend to enjoy the act of communicating and can appreciate their own skill at it. Crafting a graceful phrase or telling an engaging tale are the kinds of talents that strong communicators are likely to be known for. Many people high in this quality also love to talk. Perhaps due to all of these skills, being high in this dimension is usually associated with a reasonably high level of confidence, intelligence, and decisiveness.

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REALLY good Bumper Sticker Material....

"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!
He who laughs last thinks slowest!
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
"More hay, Trigger?" "No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!"
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it.
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
Assassins do it from behind.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
All generalizations are false, including this one.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
"Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy.
I love cats...they taste just like chicken
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools
Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep
Montana --- At least our cows are sane!
Jesus died for my sins and all I got was this lousy t-shirt
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.
Friends don't let Friends drive Naked.
Wink, I'll do the rest!
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Reality? That's where the pizza delivery guy comes from!
Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!
Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.
I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic particles.
I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die.
Sex on television can't hurt you... unless you fall off.

Tickle's Original Inkblot Test

My Result: Love

Your instinct to love and be loved is rooted very deeply in your subconscious and affects most of the decisions you make in life — whether you are aware of it or not.

You inspire people to experience their true feelings of love and act kindly towards others. You also value your personal relationships more than most people.


Your unique capacity to love may be greater than those around you, which means you may have more to give in relationships than your friends or romantic partners do.


Your psyche is very rich; the more you learn about it, the more you will understand who you really are.

Take this test >

Pearly Gate Humor

Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, “You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?”

Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, “Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?”

Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity.

Saint Peter is suitably impressed. “You really ARE Einstein!” he says. “Welcome to heaven!”

The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials.

Picasso asks, “Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?”

Saint Peter says, “Go ahead.”

Picasso erases Einstein’s equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk.

Saint Peter claps. “Surely you are the great artist you claim to be!” he says. “Come on in!”

Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head and says, “Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?”

George W. looks bewildered and says, “Who are Einstein and Picasso?”

Saint Peter sighs and says, “Come on in, George.”

FUN

What's Behind Your Emotions?

My Result: Compassion

In other words, your uncompromisingly compassionate nature directly affects how, and how often, you experience certain feelings.


For example, your test results indicate that you're most fulfilled when you can lend a helping hand to those who really need it. That factor is directly related to your fundamental belief in compassion and the range of emotions it triggers.


Based on your belief in compassion, where do you rank in the emotional landscape? Which of your emotions dominate your life? And how can you learn to control your emotions?

Take this test >

Stiri din Irak

Ultima ştire din Irak:
كأننا عشرون مستحيل في اللّد ، والرملة ، والجليل هنا .. على صدوركم ، باقون كالجدار وفي حلوقكم ، كقطعة
الزجاج ، كالصبّار وفي عيونكم ، زوبعة من نار.. هنا .. على صدوركم ، باقون كالجدار نجوع .. نعرى .. نتحدى .. ننشد الأشعار ونملأ الشوار
Nici mie nu imi vine sa cred ce s-a intamplat!
OMG! =)) :)) :P

Geneza

Quit!

Semne in Anglia

By Octavian Paler

"Am învaţat unele lucruri în viaţă pe care vi le împărtăşesc şi vouă ! Am învăţat că nu poţi face pe cineva să te iubească. Tot ce poţi face este să fii o persoană iubită. Restul… depinde de ceilalţi. Am învăţat că oricât mi-ar păsa mie, altora s-ar putea să nu le pese. Am învăţat că durează ani să câştigi încrederea şi că doar în câteva secunde poţi să o pierzi. Am învăţat că nu contează CE ai în viaţă CI PE CINE AI. Am învăţat că te descurci şi ţi-e folosit farmecul circa 15 minute. După accea, însă, ar fii bine să ştii ceva.
Am învăţat că nu trebiue să să te compari cu ceea ce pot alţii să facă mai bine, ci contează ceea ce poţi să faci tu. Am învăţat că nu contează ce li se întâmplă oamenilor, ci contează ce pot să fac eu pentru a rezolva.

Am învăţat că oricum ai tăia, orice lucru are două feţe.
Am învăţat că trebiue să te desparţi de cei dragi cu cuvinte calde; s-ar putea să fie ultima oară când îi vezi.

Am învăţat că poţi continua încă mult timp după ce ai spus că nu mai poţi.
Am învăţat că eroi sunt cei care fac ce trebuie, când trebuie, indiferent de consecinţe.
Am învăţat că sunt oameni care te iubesc, dar nu ştiu s-o arate.
Am învăţat că atunci când sunt supărat am DREPTUL să fiu supărat, dar nu am dreptul să fiu şi rău.
Am învăţat că prietenia adevărată continua să existe chiar şi la distanţă. Iar asta este valabil şi pentru iubirea adevarată. Am învăţat că, dacă cineva nu te iubeşte cum ai vrea tu, nu înseamnă că nu te iubeşte din tot sufletul. Am învăţat că indiferent cât de bun iţi este un prieten oricum te va răni din când în când, iar tu trebiue să-l ierţi pentru asta.
Am învăţat că nu este întotdeauna de ajuns să fii iertat de alţii ; câteodată trebuie să înveţi să te ierţi pe tine însuţi. Am învăţat că indiferent cât de mult suferi, lumea nu se va opri în loc pentru durerea ta.

Am învăţat că trecutul şi circumstanţele ţi-ar putea influenţa personalitatea, dar că TU eşti responsabil pentru ceea ce devii. Am învăţat că dacă doi oameni se ceartă, nu înseamnă că nu se iubesc. Şi nici faptul că nu se ceartă nu dovedeşte că se iubesc. Am învăţat că uneori trebuie să pui persoana pe primul loc şi nu faptele sale.

Am învăţat că doi oameni pot privi acelaşi lucru şi pot vedea ceva total diferit.
Am învăţat că indiferent de consecinţe cei care sunt cinstiţi cu ei înşişi ajung departe în viaţă.

Am învăţat că viaţa îţi poate fi schimbată în câteva ore de către oameni care nici nu te cunosc.

Am învăţat că şi atunci când crezi că nu mai ai nimic de dat, când te strigă un prieten vei putea găsi puterea de a-l ajuta.
Am învăţat că scrisul ca şi vorbitul, pot linişti durerile sufleteşti.

Am învăţat că oamenii la care ţii cel mai mult îţi sunt luaţi prea repede…

Am învaţat că este prea greu să-ţi dai seama unde să tragi linie între a fi amabil, a nu răni oamenii şi a-ţi susţine părerile.

Am învăţat să iubesc ca să pot să fiu iubit."

Atmosphere - Fuck you, Lucy

[Women Singing]
"It leave never would you, you show could I If" [x6]

[Slug]
She say that she still wants a friendship
She can't live her life without me as a friend
I can't figure out why I give a damn to what she wants
I don't understand the now before the then
Most of this garbage I write that these people seem to like
Is about you and how I let you infect my life
And if they got to know you, I doubt that they would see it
They'd wonder what I showed you how you could leave it
A friend in Chicago said that I should stay persistent
If I stay around I'm bound to break resistance
Fuck you Lucy for defining my existence
Fuck you and your differences

Ever since I was a young lad with a part-time dad
It was hard to find happiness inside of what I had
I studied my mother, I digested her pain
And vowed no women on my path would have to walk the same
Travel like sound across the fate ladder
I travel with spoon to mix this cake batter
And I travel with feels so I can deal with touch
It's like that, thank you very much, fuck you very much!

[Chorus]
(Yes, yes it is)
And everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
(Yes, yes it is)
And everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love

[Slug]
Fuck the "what happened?", I got stuck
They can peel pieces of me off the grill of her truck
Used to walk with luck, used to hold her hand
Fell behind then played the role of a slower man
I want to stand on top of this mountain and yell
I want to wake up and break up this lake of hell
I feel like a bitch for letting the she twist me up
The last starfighter is wounded, time to give it up
On a pick it up mission, kept it bitter
Gettin' in a million memories just to forget her
The difficulty in keepin' emotions controlled
Cookies for the road, took me by the soul
Hunger for the drama, hunger for the nurture
Gonna take it further, the hurt feels like murder
Interpret the eyes, read the lines on her face
The sunshine is fake, how much time did I waste?
Fuck you Lucy for leaving me
Fuck you Lucy for not needing me
I wanna say fuck you because I still love you
No, I'm not okay, and I don't know what to do

[Chorus]
(Yes, yes it is)
And everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
(Yes, yes it is)
And everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love

[Slug]
Do I sound mad? Well I guess I'm a little pissed
Every action has a point, five points make a fist
You close 'em, you swing 'em, it's hurts when it hits
And the truth can be a bitch, but if the boot fits
I got an idea: You should get a tattoo that says "Warning"
That's all, just a warning, so the potential victim can take a left and save breath,
And avoid you, sober and upset in the morning
I wanna scream, "Fuck you Lucy!"
But the problem is I love you Lucy
So instead I'ma finish my drink and have another
While you think about how you used to be my lover

[Chorus]
(Yes, yes it is)
And everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
(Yes, yes it is)
And everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love

[Women Singing]
"It leave never would you, you show could I If" [x12]

Sictir uman

De multe ori gresesc caci uit de prezent si sunt prins de vraja viitorului pe care mi-l imaginez ca o sa-l treiesc. Sunt obosit de probleme viitorului si nu mai am timp sa fac fata problemelor din prezent. Conflictele sociale pe care le port cu cunoscutii ma doboara cu incetul si imi dau seama ca in viata toata lumea greseste doar ca unii mai mult, altii mai putin...
Ce este o relatie interumana care isi are definitia bazata pe ceva sec si stors de seva vietii? Se mai poate numi prietenie slabul joc actoricesc a doua persoane care se joaca de-a prietenii in cadrul unui maraton de "soarecele si pisica"?
M-am saturat de prefacatorie, de minciuna si mai ales de abisala prostie care domneste in jurul nostru!

P.S. Trebuie sa trag neaparat o concluzie... Plictiseala e grav daunatoare sanatatii (fiind probabil un prdus din sare, zahar, grasimi si alcool in versiune excesiva) si te poate sa debitezi chestii ca cele de mai sus. De asemenea putema debita mult mai multe dar a intervenit un alt factor care se intelege bine cu plictiseala si anume lenea. Asa ca...

Bye All

HA-HA

Seriale

Din lipsa de ceva entertaining intr-o seara (pt ca hai sa fim seriosi, filmele care apar re-filmate in cinema sunt imposibil de urmarit de aceea si re-make-urile sunt mai slabe caci un film e menit sa fie filmat o data) an inceput sa urmaresc un serial despre care nu mai auzisem nimica pana in acel moment. Si bine am facut!
Serialul "Heroes" al NBC este o combinatie reusita de SF cu aventura si suspans. Nu am crezut ca acest serial vine cu ceva nou ci e doar o variatiune pe tema X-Men. Ei bine, desi au multe in comun cele doua serii (chiar si capacitatile unora dintre cei cu "daruri" sunt identice) ele se despart divergent la capitolul bun-simt. Desi nu lipsesc efectele speciale in Heroes nu acel vartej de actiune in care de la inceput si pana la sfarsit totul este o explozie FX care devine evident plictisotoare la un moment dat mai ales ca in acele momente de actiune, lupta si explozii, in esenta, nu se intampla nimc! Nu evolueaza firul narativ ci doar astepti sub rafale de flash-uri daunatoare retinei sa il omoare pe cel rau, dar nu inainte ca eroul sa ajunga cel putin o data la pamant si sa isi aminteasca de o femei, un camarad sau cine stie mai ce care a fost ucis sau distrus de eroul negativ chestiune care sub evidenta unui cliseu cinematografic actioneaza ca o fabrica de Red Bull asupra eroului, ii da noi sau ii reface puterile si astfel iese invingator.
In Heroes se intampla mai multe cu eroii, si, desi are scene de actiune multe, aceste nu au posibilitatea sa te plictiseasca. Un alt aspec al serialului este ca, in ciuda faptului ca dupa o privire de ansamblui e trasa mata de coada ca in orice serial american ca atata timp cat are rating trebuie sa existe, acesta are un ritm destul de alert si ai impresia ca lucrurile evolueaza cu o viteza cel putin decenta spre deosebire de alte idei bune precum Lost care a ajuns sa fie plictisitor tocmai datorita certitudinii data publicului ca "asta nu o sa se mai gate".
Una peste alta, este un serial bun si captivant mai ales pt serile cand alternativele tale sunt filmele cu Steven Segal reluate la infinit de televiziunile romanesti (poate acum ca am intrat in UE trebuie sa le invatam pe de rost... o fi vreo clauza ceva colo) sau un film "de cinema" filmat in cinema care nu poate provoca decat nervi si marirea dioptriilor celor care au deja ochelari sau punerea "bicicletelor" pe nasul celor care vad (inca) bine. Totusi trebuie sa mentionez ca e un serial "tanar" (a aparut pana cum ep. 4 din sezonul 2) si are deci tot timpul sa plictiseasca in final ca si un Prison Brek care se numea tot asa desi in sezonul 2 nu mai era nimeni inchis sau un Lost in care ei nu mai sunt "pierduti" de mult ci par doar pur si simplu prosti ca nu pot pleca de pe insula aia! (Fanii acestor seriale sa ma scuze caci si eu le urmaresc chiar cu o cantitate considerabila de placere dar trebuie recunoscut ca am oarecum dreptate.)
Asa ca daca vreti sa lasati "filmarile" filmelor in pace si sa vedeti ceva seriale (evident americane dar "moderne") care sa vad si bine (Thanks God for HDTV!) va recomand siteul

www.tvblog.ro

care contine suficiente detalii despre ce a aparut, apare si va aparea la televeziunile americane putandu-va face astfel o parere inainte de a va apuca sa "faceti rost" de ceva ce s-ar putea sa nu va placa!

Saluti!

Yes! But it was funny, ha?

Olimpiada de la Beijing

Fiecare competitie sportiva ce se desfasoara la fiecare 4 ani (Olimpiadele, Capionatele de Fotbal) au avut si vor avea mascote. Fiind un eveniment mondial in sine (chiar si CE de Fotbal e un asemenea eveniment) si datorita desfasurarii doar din 4 in 4 ani aceste manifestari sportive tind sa devina de o importanta economica uriasa si deaceea statele se "razboiesc" intre ele pentru a intra in gratiile Federatiilor Sportive Internationale in speranta gazduirii urmatorului asemenea event. Spuneam deci ca economic sunt importante... adica ai cui sa vinzi dar ce? Ei bine aici apar mascotele, logo-urile si toate dracoveniile alea care te fac sa cumperi brelocuri, cani si set 1000 pungi de plastic doar pentru ca sunt "de acolo" sau te fac sa te simti ca un adevarat suporter indiferent de sportul pe care il susti.

Mai sus se arata in caricaturile postate de unde vine logo-ul Olimpiadei ce se va desfasura in cel mai important stat comunist inca existent. Macar acuma daca cumparam un suvenir nu o sa ne mai socheze, ca si o sapca Ferrari sau un tricou cu Chelsea luate din Italia si respectiv Anglia, ca pe suvenirul tau scrie undeva micutz dai imposibil de ratat: "Made in China"!