Greens
Circle I Limbo

Barack Obama
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind

Videanu
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow

George Bush
Circle IV Rolling Weights

Berceanu
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled

River Styx

Iliescu
Circle VI Buried for Eternity

River Phlegyas

Emil Boc
Circle VII Burning Sands

Elena Udrea
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement

Traian Basescu
Circle IX Frozen in Ice

Design your own hell

O Parere Freudiana

Femeile sunt precum merele neculese.
Cele mai bune sunt in varful pomului.
Majoritatea barbatilor nu vor sa se intinda dupa cele bune fiindca se tem sa
nu cada si sa se raneasca.
Prefera, in schimb, merele cazute pe jos, care nu sunt la fel de bune, dar
usor de luat.


Merele din varful pomului se gandesc ca este ceva in neregula cu ele, cand,
de fapt, sunt extraordinare.
Trebuie numai sa astepte sa apara barbatul potrivit, care sa fie suficient
de curajos sa urce pana in varful pomului.


Impartasiti acest mesaj tuturor femeilor care sunt mere bune, chiar si celor
care au fost deja culese!


Acum barbatii.
Barbatii sunt precum un vin bun.
Incep prin a fi struguri si depinde de femei daca reusesc sa stoarca toata
pleava din ei pana cand acestia sa se transforme in ceva acceptabil pentru
cina.



La 20 de ani o femeie vrea sa se marite doar cu cel care o iubeste. La 30 e
gata sa-l ia pe primul care o cere.


O femeie face un barbat din fiul sau in 20 de ani, in timp ce alta il
prosteste in 20 de secunde.


Femeia si hainele se aleg la lumina zilei.


Curajul la barbati nu e asa de rar cum se crede, dovada cit de multi se
insoara.


Prostia este infinit mai fascinanta decit inteligenta. Inteligenta are
limitele ei, prostia nu.


Dragostea e oarba, dar casatoria ii reda vederea.


Este clar ca femeile sunt mai destepte decit barbatii. Ginditi-va: cel mai
bun prieten al lor sunt diamantele; cel mai bun prieten al barbatilor este
ciinele.


Sexul este pretul pe care femeile il platesc pentru casnicie. Casnicia este
pretul pe care barbatii il platesc pentru sex.


O femeie poate sa tina un singur secret: virsta ei.


Numai fetele cuminti isi tin un jurnal. Fetele rele n-au timp.


Daca vrei ca sotia sa te asculte cind vorbesti, vorbeste cu alta femeie. O
sa fie numai ochi si urechi.


Concluzia: Marea intrebare la care nu am fost capabil sa raspund este :


"Ce vrea femeia ?"".


(Freud)

The Confidence Test

My Result: High

As a result, you may tend to view yourself as a wonderful, lucky, or energized person. However you probably also have days when you feel less comfortable or set back. After all, you're only human. Still, other people likely appreciate you for your passionate personality and may even perceive you as a dynamo of sorts.


Because of your usual high level of self-acceptance and belief in yourself, you're generally open and accepting of others. This graciousness can include a tendency to be warm to those around you. It can also mean that you reserve your judgments of people until you get to know them well. People who come in contact with you likely appreciate this generous nature and may seek out your company. When it comes to dealing with yourself, you're usually equally kind. In most situations, you appear to understand that positivity is a more productive approach to life's challenges.

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=confidenceogt&c=50652

MildlyHotPeppers.com

The Brain Test

My Result: Left-brained

Most left-brained people like you feel at ease in situations requiring verbal ability, attention to detail, and linear, analytical ability. Whether you know it or not, you are a much stronger written communicator than many, able to get your ideas across better than others.


It's also likely that you are methodical and efficient at many things that you do. You could also be good at math, particularly algebra, which is based on very strict rules that make sense to your logical mind.

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=brainogt&c=50652

If You're Going to Die, Don't Do It This Way

Some people meet the most unfortunate ends. Let's hope you never end your life like this.


If you're going to go, go out with style!

Love Hurts

Dionicio Vela didn't trust his 22 year old wife Rosa to behave when he was away from his village in Peru whilst on business trips, so he made a chastity belt out of coarse rawhide and a padlock. Unfortunately the padlock he used was old and rusty, and in 1987 Rosa's skin became infected with septicaemia which eventually killed her.

Sweet Tooth?

It is a tradition in Australia for newlyweds to smear wedding cake on each other's faces. However, no one told German born bride Amy, for when new husband Chas pushed a slice into her face at their reception in Brisbane in September 1993, she hit him over the head with a bottle of wine. He died instantly.

Doctor Doctor

Shopkeeper Luigi d' Alessio, 47, shot his doctor dead in Foggia, Italy, when the doctor said he couldn't cure his cold.

A Bit Eggs-treme

Walter Juergens was served up eggs at every meal by his new wife Elfriede. He got so fed up with it that he left home. When he decided to return Elfriede immediately fried up some eggs for him. He shot her dead, remarking after his arrest: “I used to like eggs ...”

This Really Bugs Me

Air ace Colonel William T. Whisner, 65, who shot down 24 enemy planes over Germany and Korea and won the DSC three times, died in July 1989 after being bitten on the cheek by a gnat in his garden.

He Was Stitched Up

An unnamed man of 56 tricked his way into a house in Alicante, Spain, in May 1991, by claiming to be a sewing machine repairer. Once inside, he grabbed 18,000 pesetas and ran off. As the woman chased him, he tripped, swallowed his false teeth, and chocked to death.

The Flying Snake

Young Ghulam Nabi was mending his scooter in June 1981, on the road from Srinagar, India, to his home 15 miles away. As he crouched there a bird flew overhead with a live Viper in it's claws, which it dropped. The snake landed on Nabi's neck and bit him; he died a few minutes later. The bird, retrieved the snake and flew off with it.

An Extreme Cure

Nicholas Lovell was working on a computer at the home of his friend David Duquette in Gloucester, Rhode island. Lovell began to hiccup, at which point Duquette decided that the best way to cure him was to give him a fright. He went to his parent's room and got a loaded .38 caliber revolver, which he assumed was unloaded. Placing the gun to the back of Lovell's head, he shouted “Bang!”. The gun was loaded, curing Lovell of his hiccups.

Finding Mr./Ms. Right

My Result: Social Idealist

You're comfortable in social situations that fluster other people. It is, in part, this ease that makes you a catch for potential partners. Since you may tend to pass over a potential love interest too quickly, the key for you is learning how to not throw away a keeper too soon.

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/rd/50651/tests/findright/index.jsp?testname=findrightogt&resultid=A

Juramant Vietii

"Niciodata nu te voi trada de tot, desi te-am tradat si te voi trada la fiecare pas; Cand te-am urat nu te-am putut uita; Te-am blestemat, ca sa te suport; Te-am refuzat, ca sa te schimbi; Te-am chemat si n-ai venit, am urlat si nu mi-ai zambit, am fost trist si nu m-ai mangaiat. Am plans si nu mi-ai indulcit lacrimile. Desert ai fost rugamintilor mele. Ucis-am in gand intaia clipa a vietii si fulgerat-am inceputurile tale, seceta in fructe, uscaciune in flori si secarea izvoarelor dorit-a sufletul meu. Dar recunoscator iti este sufletul meu pentru zambetul ce l-a vazut doar el si nimeni altul; recunoscator pentru acea intalnire, de nimeni aflata; acea intalnire nu se uita, ci cu credinta ascunsa in tine rasuna in tacere, inverzeste pustiuri, indulceste lacrimi si insenineaza singuratati. Iti jur ca niciodata nu vei cunoaste marea mea tradare. Jur pe tot ce poate fi mai sfant: pe zambetul tau, ca nu ma voi desparti niciodata de tine."

Emil Cioran - Cartea Amagirilor

"To all our ex-girlfriends - burn in Hell!"

Bre_Ty - Wedding Gift-My Ass

TRY THINKING BEFORE SPEAKING!

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we would
not live forever, because if we were supposed to live
forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot
live forever, which is why I would not live forever."
- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids
all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd
love to be skinny like that, but not with all those
flies and death and stuff."
- Mariah Carey

"Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces
some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana.
The researchers also discovered other similarities
between the two, but can't remember what they are."
- Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22

"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to
comply with the law."
- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very
important part of your life."

- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part
of my body."
- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the
lowest crime rates in the country."
- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC

"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."
- Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through
our papers. We are the president."
- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents

"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."
- Former French President Charles De Gaulle

"That low down scoundrel deserves to be kicked to
death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it."
- A congressional candidate in Texas

"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great
country away from them. There were great numbers of
people who needed new land, and the Indians were
selfishly trying to keep it for themselves."
- John Wayne

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
- Philadelphia Phillies manager Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment.
It's the impurities in our air and water that are
doing it."
- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle

"Without censorship, things can get terribly confused
in the public mind."
- General William Westmoreland

"If you let that sort of thing go on, your bread and
butter will be cut right out from under your feet."
- Former British foreign minister Ernest Bevin

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle

"The private enterprise system indicates that some
people have higher incomes than others."
-Gerry Brown

"It's no exaggeration to say that the undecided could
go one way or another."
-George Bush, US President

"I have opinions of my own-strong opinions-but I
don't always agree with them."
-George Bush, US President

"Not only is he ambidextrous, but he can throw with
either hand."
-Duffy Daugherty, football coach and sports analyst

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean
air do we need?"
-Lee Iacocca

"Please provide the date of your death."
-from an IRS letter

"I was provided with additional input that was
radically different from the truth. I assisted in
furthering that version."
-Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony

"We are sorry to announce that Mr. Albert Brown has
been quite unwell, owing to his recent death, and is
taking a short holiday to recover."
-Parish Magazine

"Men, I want you just thinking of one word all
season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl."
-Bill Peterson, football coach

"Hawaii is a unique state. It is a small state. It is a
state that is by itself. It is different from the
other 49 states. Well, all states are different, but
it's got a particularly unique situation."
-Dan Quayle, US VP

"Be sure and put some of those neutrons on it."
-Mike Smith, Baseball pitcher, ordering a salad at a restaurant

"We are not without accomplishment. We have managed to
distribute poverty equally."
-Nguyen Co Thatch, Vietnamese foreign minister

"The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football.
A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
-Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback and sports analyst

"I've read about foreign policy and studied-I
know the number of continents."
-George Wallace, 1968 presidential campaign

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude
certain types of people."
-Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
-Dan Quayle

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
-Dan Quayle

"The road of good intentions is paved with Hell."
-Spencer Ante

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
-Keppel Enderbery

"The loss of life will be irreplaceable."
-Dan Quayle

"The people in the Navy look on motherhood as being
compatible with being a woman."
-Rear Admiral James R. Hogg

"We apologize for the error in last week's paper in
which we stated that Mr. Arnold Dogbody was a
defective in the police force. We meant, of
course, that Mr. Dogbody is a detective in the police
farce."
-Correction Notice in the Ely Standard, a British newspaper

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack
in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor
their heart throughout the night. And the next
morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
-Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

"Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly."
-Batman Costume warning label

What's Your Eating Style?

My Result: Erratic Eater

Erratic eaters tend to have erratic schedules on the whole, and tend to ingest their biggest meals, and heartiest snacks during the evening and nighttime hours. While the evening meal is what they focus most on — and sometimes it can occupy much of their night — how much they eat and when they eat their meals varies day to day. Eating three square meals a day is not their style. Instead, they're the type to skip breakfast or grab something small. They also eat lunch at erratic times as well. One day they may eat a good meal at noon, while the next they might grab a handful of crackers at 4pm with dinner at 6pm.

Take this test >

1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now that you've come into my life...
(Inside card) - I've changed my mind.

2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life...
(Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you.

3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am...
(Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me.

4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go...
(Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again.

5. Someday I hope to marry...
(Inside card) - Someone other than you.

6. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age...
(Inside card) - Almost lifelike!

7.. When we were together, you said you'd die for me...
(Inside card) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.

8. We've been friends for a very long time...
(Inside card) - What do you say we stop?

9. I'm so miserable without you...
(Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.

10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy...
(Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father was?

11. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket...
(Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often.

12. Your friends and I wanted to do something really special for your birthday...
(Inside card) - So we're having you put to sleep.

13. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad! (Available only in
Arkansas, Alabama, Mississippi, and West Virginia.)

14. Looking back over the years we've been together, I can't help but wonder...
(Inside card) - What was I thinking?

15. Congratulations on your wedding day!...
(Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband.

Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
A. H. Weiler

The purpose of life is to fight maturity.
Dick Werthimer

If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer.
Alfred North Whitehead

Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric.
Bertrand Russell

Brought to you by The Quotations Page

Many men owe the grandeur of their lives to their tremendous difficulties. - Charles Haddon Spurgeon
Worthy Quotes presented by the Worthy News.

Islam is a religion in which Allah demands you send your son to die for him; Christianity is the faith in which God sent his son to die for you.
- John Ashcroft

The beginning is the most important part of the work.
- Plato

Sometimes you gotta create what you want to be a part of.
- Geri Weitzman

Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, the dictates of our passions, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence.
- John Adams




To prophesy is extremely difficult - especially with regard to the future.
- Chinese proverb

Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.
- Shakespeare

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
- Henry Kissinger

It is not the horse that draws the cart, but the oats.
- Russian proverb

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- George Burns

All animals except man know that the ultimate of life is to enjoy it.
- Samuel Butler

Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with.
- Bob Wells

The whole of science is nothing more than a refinement of everyday thinking.
- Albert Einstein

"If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?"
- Albert Einstein

A little learning is a dangerous thing, but a lot of ignorance is just as bad.
- Bob Edwards

If you think education is expensive, try Ignorance.
- Andy McIntyre

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
- Will Rogers




Lady Nancy Astor: Winston, if you were my husband, I'd put arsenic in your morning coffee.
Churchill: Madam, if you were my wife, I'd drink it.

Bessie Braddock: Winston, you are drunk!
Churchill: And Madam, you are ugly. And tomorrow, I'll be sober, and you will still be ugly.

Any man who afflicts the human race with ideas must be prepared to see them misunderstood.
- H. L. Mencken

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
- Henny Youngman

The greatest risk is to risk nothing at all.
- Leo Buscaglia

God does not play dice with the universe.
- Albert Einstein

Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind.
- Albert Einstein

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo.
- James Klass

Not all those who wonder are lost.
- Anonymous

A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.
- Lao-Tsu

These are not books, lumps of lifeless paper, but minds alive on the shelves.
- Gilbert Highet

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.
- Albert Einstein

The Spending Style Test

My Result: Bargain Hunter

People who are Bargain Hunters likely spend their money sparingly and they have a good sense of the value of the dollar. They strive to stretch their funds as far as possible. If they don't have to bargain shop for financial reasons, they may also be afraid of not having enough money someday, and thus splurging or overspending may feel more dangerous or foolhardy to them than it does to most. They may also simply enjoy the thrill of haggling and the challenge of the hunt for a deal, deriving pleasure from their great finds.

Take this test >

Universal Truths

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.
18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the
first given opportunity.
19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong!
22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
24) You never ever run out of salt.
25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard
32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood
specifically to stir paint with.
33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
34) Bricks are horrible to carry.
35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.

50 funniest Homer Simpson Quotes

# Operator! Give me the number for 911!
# Oh, so they have internet on computers now!
# Bart, with $10,000, we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love!
# Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.
# I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me Superman.
# Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.
# Well, it’s 1 a.m. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids.
# Maybe, just once, someone will call me ‘Sir’ without adding, ‘You’re making a scene.’
# Marge, don’t discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.
# Doughnuts. Is there anything they can’t do?
# You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
# Lisa, if you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.
# When will I learn? The answer to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle, they’re on TV!
# Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose: it’s how drunk you get.
# I’m going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won’t be back for ten minutes!
# [Meeting Aliens] Please don’t eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
# What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
# Marge, you’re as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
# Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
# The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it’s time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!
# When I look at the smiles on all the children’s faces, I just know they’re about to jab me with something.
# I’m having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church!

# Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn’t, it’s that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.
# I’m not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I’m going to Hell?
# Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you’re prejudiced against all races.
# It’s not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.
# Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.
# I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.
# Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that.
# Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that Alligator biting that woman’s bottom? That’s right, we all thought it was hilarious. But, it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harrassing that woman.
# Old people don’t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.
# How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?

# Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.
# Homer no function beer well without.
# I’ve always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there is — and it’s me.
# Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?
# If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can’t speak English.
# I’m never going to be disabled. I’m sick of being so healthy.
# I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.
# [Looking at a globe map…country being Uruguay]
Hee hee! Look at this country! ‘You-are-gay.’
# All my life I’ve had one dream, to achieve my many goals.

# Dad, you’ve done a lot of great things, but you’re a very old man, and old people are useless.
# But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder.
# I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.
# Dear Lord.. The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here’s the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won’t ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal.
# That’s it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I’m going to clown college!
# Beer: The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.
# If something’s hard to do, then it’s not worth doing
# I’m in no condition to drive…wait! I shouldn’t listen to myself, I’m drunk!
# ‘To Start Press Any Key’. Where’s the ANY key?

The Chakra Test

My Result: Fifth Chakra

This is the chakra located at the top of your throat. The fifth chakra represents honesty and truth. When this chakra is clear, positive energy can flow from it freely. Radiating positive energy from your fifth chakra indicates that you've cultivated higher wisdom concerning the important life lessons associated with this energy center. You're apt to feel a more burning need than others do to speak the truth, treat people with respect, and act with integrity. Possessing strong fifth chakra energy also suggests that you're not one to fight your life's natural path. Instead, you seem to align your will with divine will.

Take this test >

Courtroom Testimony

These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.



ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.


ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.


ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.


ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?


ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.


ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?


ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?


ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh...


ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?


ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?


ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.


ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.


ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.


ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!


ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?


ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

ONLY IN AMERICA

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

11. Only in America......can a homeless combat veteran live in a cardboard box and a draft dodger live in the White House.