TRY THINKING BEFORE SPEAKING!

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we would
not live forever, because if we were supposed to live
forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot
live forever, which is why I would not live forever."
- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids
all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd
love to be skinny like that, but not with all those
flies and death and stuff."
- Mariah Carey

"Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces
some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana.
The researchers also discovered other similarities
between the two, but can't remember what they are."
- Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22

"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to
comply with the law."
- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very
important part of your life."

- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part
of my body."
- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the
lowest crime rates in the country."
- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC

"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."
- Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through
our papers. We are the president."
- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents

"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."
- Former French President Charles De Gaulle

"That low down scoundrel deserves to be kicked to
death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it."
- A congressional candidate in Texas

"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great
country away from them. There were great numbers of
people who needed new land, and the Indians were
selfishly trying to keep it for themselves."
- John Wayne

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
- Philadelphia Phillies manager Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment.
It's the impurities in our air and water that are
doing it."
- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle

"Without censorship, things can get terribly confused
in the public mind."
- General William Westmoreland

"If you let that sort of thing go on, your bread and
butter will be cut right out from under your feet."
- Former British foreign minister Ernest Bevin

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle

"The private enterprise system indicates that some
people have higher incomes than others."
-Gerry Brown

"It's no exaggeration to say that the undecided could
go one way or another."
-George Bush, US President

"I have opinions of my own-strong opinions-but I
don't always agree with them."
-George Bush, US President

"Not only is he ambidextrous, but he can throw with
either hand."
-Duffy Daugherty, football coach and sports analyst

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean
air do we need?"
-Lee Iacocca

"Please provide the date of your death."
-from an IRS letter

"I was provided with additional input that was
radically different from the truth. I assisted in
furthering that version."
-Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony

"We are sorry to announce that Mr. Albert Brown has
been quite unwell, owing to his recent death, and is
taking a short holiday to recover."
-Parish Magazine

"Men, I want you just thinking of one word all
season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl."
-Bill Peterson, football coach

"Hawaii is a unique state. It is a small state. It is a
state that is by itself. It is different from the
other 49 states. Well, all states are different, but
it's got a particularly unique situation."
-Dan Quayle, US VP

"Be sure and put some of those neutrons on it."
-Mike Smith, Baseball pitcher, ordering a salad at a restaurant

"We are not without accomplishment. We have managed to
distribute poverty equally."
-Nguyen Co Thatch, Vietnamese foreign minister

"The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football.
A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
-Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback and sports analyst

"I've read about foreign policy and studied-I
know the number of continents."
-George Wallace, 1968 presidential campaign

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude
certain types of people."
-Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
-Dan Quayle

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
-Dan Quayle

"The road of good intentions is paved with Hell."
-Spencer Ante

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
-Keppel Enderbery

"The loss of life will be irreplaceable."
-Dan Quayle

"The people in the Navy look on motherhood as being
compatible with being a woman."
-Rear Admiral James R. Hogg

"We apologize for the error in last week's paper in
which we stated that Mr. Arnold Dogbody was a
defective in the police force. We meant, of
course, that Mr. Dogbody is a detective in the police
farce."
-Correction Notice in the Ely Standard, a British newspaper

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack
in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor
their heart throughout the night. And the next
morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
-Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

"Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly."
-Batman Costume warning label

What's Your Eating Style?

My Result: Erratic Eater

Erratic eaters tend to have erratic schedules on the whole, and tend to ingest their biggest meals, and heartiest snacks during the evening and nighttime hours. While the evening meal is what they focus most on — and sometimes it can occupy much of their night — how much they eat and when they eat their meals varies day to day. Eating three square meals a day is not their style. Instead, they're the type to skip breakfast or grab something small. They also eat lunch at erratic times as well. One day they may eat a good meal at noon, while the next they might grab a handful of crackers at 4pm with dinner at 6pm.

Take this test >

1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now that you've come into my life...
(Inside card) - I've changed my mind.

2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life...
(Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you.

3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am...
(Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me.

4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go...
(Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again.

5. Someday I hope to marry...
(Inside card) - Someone other than you.

6. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age...
(Inside card) - Almost lifelike!

7.. When we were together, you said you'd die for me...
(Inside card) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.

8. We've been friends for a very long time...
(Inside card) - What do you say we stop?

9. I'm so miserable without you...
(Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.

10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy...
(Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father was?

11. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket...
(Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often.

12. Your friends and I wanted to do something really special for your birthday...
(Inside card) - So we're having you put to sleep.

13. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad! (Available only in
Arkansas, Alabama, Mississippi, and West Virginia.)

14. Looking back over the years we've been together, I can't help but wonder...
(Inside card) - What was I thinking?

15. Congratulations on your wedding day!...
(Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband.

Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
A. H. Weiler

The purpose of life is to fight maturity.
Dick Werthimer

If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer.
Alfred North Whitehead

Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric.
Bertrand Russell

Brought to you by The Quotations Page

Many men owe the grandeur of their lives to their tremendous difficulties. - Charles Haddon Spurgeon
Worthy Quotes presented by the Worthy News.

Islam is a religion in which Allah demands you send your son to die for him; Christianity is the faith in which God sent his son to die for you.
- John Ashcroft

The beginning is the most important part of the work.
- Plato

Sometimes you gotta create what you want to be a part of.
- Geri Weitzman

Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, the dictates of our passions, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence.
- John Adams




To prophesy is extremely difficult - especially with regard to the future.
- Chinese proverb

Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.
- Shakespeare

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
- Henry Kissinger

It is not the horse that draws the cart, but the oats.
- Russian proverb

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- George Burns

All animals except man know that the ultimate of life is to enjoy it.
- Samuel Butler

Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with.
- Bob Wells

The whole of science is nothing more than a refinement of everyday thinking.
- Albert Einstein

"If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?"
- Albert Einstein

A little learning is a dangerous thing, but a lot of ignorance is just as bad.
- Bob Edwards

If you think education is expensive, try Ignorance.
- Andy McIntyre

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
- Will Rogers




Lady Nancy Astor: Winston, if you were my husband, I'd put arsenic in your morning coffee.
Churchill: Madam, if you were my wife, I'd drink it.

Bessie Braddock: Winston, you are drunk!
Churchill: And Madam, you are ugly. And tomorrow, I'll be sober, and you will still be ugly.

Any man who afflicts the human race with ideas must be prepared to see them misunderstood.
- H. L. Mencken

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
- Henny Youngman

The greatest risk is to risk nothing at all.
- Leo Buscaglia

God does not play dice with the universe.
- Albert Einstein

Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind.
- Albert Einstein

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo.
- James Klass

Not all those who wonder are lost.
- Anonymous

A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.
- Lao-Tsu

These are not books, lumps of lifeless paper, but minds alive on the shelves.
- Gilbert Highet

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.
- Albert Einstein